Exercising the craft—August 11, 2014

By Ekta R. Garg

Prompt: Make a list of 10 ways to tell your lover it’s over.



I’d like to open with a disclaimer: I’ve never had to do this. Break up with a boy, I mean. But I can always dream up options. Part of my job—my responsibility—as a writer comes in the form of observing and interpreting life for my readers.

If I can have fun along the way, so much the better.

With that, here comes 10 ways to dump a guy (and please remember that I’m just having fun here. Well, sort of. If a guy crossed me badly enough, I could probably go with one of these.)

1. Take him to the place you had your first date. Ask for the table where you sat. Then tell him you’re doing this in a full-circle sort of way; since it started there, it’s fitting it should end there.

2. While he’s on vacation, put all of his stuff in storage and then have all the locks in the house changed. When he comes back to your front door, pretend you have amnesia and don’t remember him.

3. Have his boss “fire” him from the position of boyfriend. Get the boss to say that you’re downsizing your life, and your boyfriend didn’t survive the transition.

4. Call his favorite radio station and dedicate Taylor Swift’s “We Are Never Getting Back Together” to him.

5. Tell him you’ll pay for him to go on a “boys’ trip” with his best friends, and then make sure his is a one-way ticket.

6. Get a road sign made with a picture of the two of you and a huge X on it. Install it at the end of this driveway.

7. Buy takeout from his favorite restaurant, drop it at his house, and tell him you won’t stay to share the meal—or his life.

8. Sign him up for six months on an online dating service.

9. Design a treasure hunt for him. Make the final prize a note card that says, “Congratulations! You have won your freedom from this relationship!”

10. Be brave. Look him in the eye. Tell him it’s over. Don’t mince words; don’t throw accusations. Wish him well. And don’t have any regrets.

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